I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
two words: eviction party
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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