Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
