you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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