boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
