after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
