its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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