Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just found a bag of teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize