oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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