I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
