just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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