I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
