What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
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Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
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We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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