naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
