I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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