worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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