Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
