If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
