I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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