We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
