But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
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I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
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I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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