I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
