garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
