I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
