i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
