just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
