Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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