my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
