Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
