I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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