This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
