Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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