I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
