What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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