The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
