i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
