Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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