I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
