i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
