Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
