well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
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