Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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