her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
