Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.

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(508): she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock. http://tfl.nu/5spj

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(786): View more from Florida

I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.

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(786): I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me. http://tfl.nu/ua0x

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(386): View more from Florida

you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt

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(386): you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt http://tfl.nu/6l3r

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings

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(603): A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings http://tfl.nu/n8bz

Replies (24) Good night (4085) Bad night (590)
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(662): View more from Mississippi

Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.

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(662): Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing. http://tfl.nu/08ze

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(901): View more from Tennessee

He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.

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(901): He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor. http://tfl.nu/qeri

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(530): View more from California

I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.

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(530): I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me. http://tfl.nu/jc9x

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(512): View more from Texas

If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.

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(512): If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome. http://tfl.nu/rgpf

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(330): View more from Ohio

Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?

(614): View more from Ohio

I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?

(330): View more from Ohio

I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.

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(330): Want me to give your number to an army recruiter? (614): I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist? (330): I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us. http://tfl.nu/ti2n

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.

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(715): tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder. http://tfl.nu/8ixi

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(231): View more from Michigan

I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1

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(231): I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1 http://tfl.nu/tow3

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(805): View more from California

We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"

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(805): We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?" http://tfl.nu/3rqz

Replies (4) Good night (1399) Bad night (342)
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(310): View more from California

Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...

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(310): Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right... http://tfl.nu/uva3

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(801): View more from Utah

I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.

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(801): I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck. http://tfl.nu/p42i

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(210): View more from Texas

Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.

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(210): Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me. http://tfl.nu/zs5w

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