Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

did we hook up?

(925): View more from California

no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt

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(303): View more from Colorado

I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.

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(804): View more from Virginia

Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.

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(+32): View more from Belgium

guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(203): View more from Connecticut

Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.

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(773): View more from Illinois

i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...

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(315): View more from New York

The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.

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(301): View more from Maryland

But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?

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