I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.