Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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