SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
