I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
