I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
