no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
