Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
