just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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