Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
