my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
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