I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
