But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
