Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
