dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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