the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
stop calling my apartment porn island.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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