There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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