Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
