I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
