Duck Duck Cougar?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
