when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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