so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
