He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
