There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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