i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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