it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
