Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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