There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
