Plan B is the new Plan A
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
