I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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