He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
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you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
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I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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